Connect To Your Child and Get The Real Scoop On What’s Happening
How was your day?
How many times have we used the “How was your day?” question to pry information from our kids, grandkids or even our spouses and they responded only with a vague “Fine”? Alternatively, how many times do we absentmindedly ask
“How was your day?” and then we stop listening? We’ve all done it at some point.
With a new school year starting, what can you do to connect to your child and get the real scoop on what’s happening in your child’s day and possibly nip a problem in the bud?
Asking “How was your day?” really is a great way to start, but it’s what you do next that makes the difference.
If they simply answer “Good” or “Fine”, use that as a perfect lead-in to find out what was good or fine. Ask “What three things were good or fine?” or “What were your three favorite things about today?” If your child is a preschooler, you may only want to ask for one or two favorite things. (In the next blog we will talk about what to do if it has been a yucky day). Now pay attention to what your child says. Listening with your full attention, even if you are driving or cooking dinner, deepens your connection to your child. As you make this closer connection by listening, focusing on them and responding specifically to what they are sharing, you are more likely to get cooperation from your child as the day and evening continue.
If you have more than one child, this approach also reinforces the wait-your-turn rule, yet strengthens the connection between your children. Notice what they focus on. If snack or play is their favorite time (or math or science class), ask them more questions. You may learn things you didn’t know. Be playful if you hear the same responses day after day; help them look for other things — even small things — that they like or enjoy. Challenge older children to come up with something new each day. Be sure to share your own favorite things for the day, too!
Focusing on what you enjoy – the positive – starts to cultivate gratitude. It’s so easy for all of us to place emphasis on what is not working. There are challenges in everyone’s day; it’s a part of life. However, when you end the day on a negative note, it sets the tone for the rest of the evening. Who intentionally sets out to have a yucky evening with family? No one! So as you focus on how beautiful the sky was in the morning or how you enjoyed working with one of your workmates — and encourage your children to do the same — it sets the tone for both you and your children to have a pleasant evening instead.
Be creative! Ask questions and remember to really listen. You are modeling great listening and communication skills as you strengthen your connection with your children.
Post and let us know what some of your children’s favorite things are.
Loving the fun of listening to children,
Bonnie
PS If you don’t have children, at the end of each day think of your three favorite things from the day! Be playful your inner child loves that!
During the school year I take a few minutes every night to let my girls talk about whatever they want (I tend to slack off on this during the summer since they are with me all day). I lay (or sit) on their bed with them and they get to tell me about their day. Even though they share a room, they have to wait their turn. This is easier for my 13-year-old than for my 7-year-old. The 13-year-old doesn’t usually have nearly as much to say as the 7-year-old, but sometimes she surprises me. The younger one usually talks about social things and the older one usually talks about educational things…they’ve always been that way.
I love that. What a way into their heads-a support to know you are there-and the way to know when some advise is needed. I remember when my girls were teenagers the best was the “bed” talk either laying on mine or theirs!