You may say I’m not a parent and I don’t have grandchildren. Don’t stop reading! Despite, the title, this is for you too!
The hacks are for sensitive and intuitive people of all ages. They can be used just the way they are, or with a little modification. My guess is you may know someone who will benefit from these hacks.
I have had clients tell me their adult anxiety* (really their inner child) was soothed after reading a children’s book.
School always brings a change for all of us. Everyone has to adjust! These school hacks are good for all children, but are great tools for the highly sensitive and intuitive child (and adults). Families who find change to be very disruptive will find using these hacks can make transition times easier.
For those more sensitively wired children change is not easy. It also isn’t easy for the more sensitive parent or grandparent who is finely tuned into their child’s feelings.
First, it’s important to find a few minutes to calm and soothe yourself. Then you can listen more attentively to your children’s feelings without being confused by your own anxiety.
This is really for both you and your child even though you may be frustrated with their behavior. It’s important to find a balance when giving children tools. Listening to their feelings, as irrational and emotional as they seem, is important to do before giving them practical ways to cope and to strengthen their ability to deal with change.
Picking a quiet time to physically connect with them is important. Trying to deal with this at dinnertime does not work. Although words of reassurance are important, really listening, making eye contact and letting them know you understand is vital for them to feel safe and to be able listen to you.
There is a balance between hearing their feelings, reassuring them, and letting them know they are safe and it’s okay.
Ideas to calm children (and adults). You may want to put these on notecards. Put them in a box or jar to use when you need them. Write notes on the back to remind you what to share with your child.
- For the first day of school give your child something to remind them of you.
Sensitive and intuitive children like to have a connection to help them feel safe. If you are a sensitive or intuitive parent this can be helpful to you too. Perhaps a matching bracelet that you and your child both wear. Or a temporary tattoo on the arm or belly will remind your child you are connected to them. (Please check to make sure these are acceptable for your child to have/wear at school).
- Blow a bubble, put your worry in it, and let it go.
Think about the scary, sad or worry feeling. Then tell your child to close their eyes and take in a breath through their nose. The inhale is when they are starting to blow a bubble imaginary or real). When they exhale, tell your child to imagine the worry is going into the bubble and letting the bubble go way off into the sky with their worry. Imagine it goes so high they can’t see it anymore or it pops and lets the feeling go. Doing this with your child you can also puts your worries in a bubble. Sensitive and intuitive children pick up the feelings of those around them. Doing this together will show them that you are both going to be okay. You can also imagine blowing up a balloon and letting it go.
- Hum your favorite song softly with your eyes closed.
Humming, versus singing, activates a calming response. You can hum with your child.
Singing, however, is a great way to “distract” your child from their worry focus. When in the car or busy making dinner, take turns and let everyone sing a favorite song. Roll down the windows and let your child sing loudly about what they will miss or are afraid of. You will be surprised what happens when you let it out into the air.
- Take a breath when you let the breath go say “I Am Calm”.
Taking everyone outside and lying on the ground helps to calm those excited bodies.
The whole family can benefit. This is a good exercise to do anytime, including bedtime. Do this 3 to 6 times. Deep breathing alone reduces the stress response for those of any age. Using a positive affirmation helps shift the focus and create new neuro pathways in the brain.
- Put your favorite quiet music on and color or draw with your child. With the rage of coloring books, even for adults, we know something is up about coloring. It is relaxing. It is playful. It helps the body de-stress and refocus. Or put on a guided mediation. http://kidsrelaxation.com/shop/ (for adults serenitypathways.com/free-spa/ or Gossamer Wings Free to Just Be diamond pathways.com/media/ )
- Dance to your favorite music or put on marching music and march around.
- Go outside, stand on the ground, imagine you are a tree. Or hug a tree.
When we are upset we are “ungrounded”. Sensitive and intuitive children and adults can easily get “ungrounded” and act as though not present and rational. When you imagine being a tree you bring yourself back into your body and into the thinking parts of your brain. Children love to play and imagine so this is a fun one. You can also imagine being a tree or draw what you would look like as tree. Tapping into the solidness and root structure to bring your child home to themselves. (This is great for adults too!)
- Talk to a grown up or some ‘thing’ about your feelings.
You may notice a change in your child’s behavior. It may be subtle, but you know something is bothering them. Remind them you are there and they can talk about what they are feeling without you getting upset. You can also suggest they talk to a favorite doll, stuffie or super hero. (Sensitive adults it’s important to share your feelings with a supportive friend. Don’t hold it in or criticize yourself!)
- Talk to God or the Angels
Give children something bigger than they are to connect to, like God or Angels. Have them do this on a regular basis and it will provide them with ‘someone’ to talk to you when you are not there. It helps to develop faith and appreciation. Adults remember to make your own connection with the Source that created you on a regular basis!
- Give someone you love a hug (even a stuffie)
Asking for a hug or giving a hug is a great way to feel better in the moment. Sometimes, that is all that is needed. Everyone feels better with a hug kids and grown-ups.
- Put your hands over your heart and say, “I Love Me even if I…..” Or say, “I am okay!”
Children need reassurance that even though they may have gotten upset, they are okay and lovable. Sensitive and intuitive children (and adults) may feel badly after they have dissolved into tears or crying (or tantruming). They may think something is wrong with them. Learning to honor their sensitivities and finding ways to regain their calm is important.
- Read books that help children soothe their feelings or give them tools
Angel Violet’s Magic Wings (4-8)
Parents reviews underscore the benefits of Angel Violet with sensitive children. * I have had adults say this story has helped them with stress and healing their inner child. |
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The Way I Feel Janan Cain
Great book to talk about feelings. |
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Handful of Quiet: Happiness in 4 Pebbles Thich Nhat Hahn (ages 5-adult)
Great for calming the mind using the stones and images. |
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The Sly Fox of the Mind Brook Holstein (6-9)
Great book for finding what the sly fox is trying to get you to think. |
Let these School Hacks for Sensitives and Initiatives work for you and your children or grandchildren,
Bonnie
P.S. Post and share some stories about how these school hacks worked for you or your children!
Martha says
Thank you for this Bonnie, I talk about this in my classes. I used to read picture books to my middle school students that were about feelings or different issues they may have. It was like a warm bowl of oatmeal to them. They loved the experience and as a result they were able to address the feeling or problem with the distance they needed for clarity and openness. I recommend this even for high school students particularly if they have language processing difficulties and/or anxiety. I have the book on feelings but I did not know about the 4 stones meditation. I am going to send for it.
Thanks again,
Martha